how to find a man. ;)

Saturday night we had the missionaries over for dinner. We know these two particular elders really well. They are really great guys and we love them! One elder was telling us about his girlfriend dilemma. He was telling us how they had decided to break up and all the details that went along with that. The other elder said I don't really have any experience with girls so I ha e nothing to contribute to this conversation. He joked saying "I had a dog die once."

I have had so many conversations like this through my whole life. Wonderful people anxious to find love! Girls are usually a little more expressive about their situation than this elder. Saying things like "I just want to find him." Some girls have an actual check list of attributes they want in a husband. But the one statement I want to write about is "what am I doing wrong?"

I will never forget the conversation I had with my brother Chris. He was driving me to school in his jeep. He was engaged to his wife and he was so in love. It was so fun for me to watch their love story. I wanted to find love just like he did.

He told me that he had tried all these things to find a wife. He had followed all the advice of married people. He had tried to date as often as he could. He was trying to be his best self and develope all these awesome attributes. And then he said that he realized it wasn't about trying so hard. That one day it just happened! And he fell in love.

It just happened!

That phrase stuck with me. And that's exactly the way I fell in love. It just happened.

 I also want to say I HATED dating. The kind where you are in college and you get all dressed up with your roommates and go out with the intentions of meeting a man and having a great conversation that will result in him asking you on a date and the rest will be history!

HA! That did not ever happen to me.
I was the worlds worst dater ever!

There is one very specific story that pretty much sums up my dating life. Our BYU church group went rafting down Provo river. I grew up in new mexico!!! We don't have rivers! And after all I'm an all state swimmer. I don't need a life jacket. I started off in a kayak with a guy... I don't ever remember his name. We were floating for About 20 seconds when we hit a bridge pole and rolled it and I got pinned under the kayak and he was on top of the kayak that was on top of me. I really thought I was going to die. Then I got out from under the kayak and the guy got back in the kayak and I didn't.... so then my knight in shining armor came to rescue me. His named is Steve! Of course this is the guy I'm going to float down the river with!!! He got out of his raft pulled me out of the river and walked on land to his raft but... there was no room for me on his raft. He gave me some line like be would've loved to raft with me but he had a slow leak in his raft and it just wasn't going to work out... then another guy came along... Taylor... he had one of this small inter tubes. Big enough for 1... so we tried to balance it out but it didn't work. So we both got out and walked along side of the river. I had no shoes. He offered MD his shoes. What a nice guy! We caught up with the rafters with a slow leak they were also walking on the train tracks. Oh did I mention we were walking on train tracks? Yep but a local said don't worry there hasn't been a train on these tracks in years! That's when the heeber creeper came around the Corner forcing us to jump off the cliff into the river.... Taylor was the guy for me! He was older... he was from Utah. Tall dark and handsome. We had great conversation on the river. He didn't ditch me like all those other guys. He was exactly what I was looking for. When I got home that day I decided there was action that needed to be taken! Absolutely. I should make him cookies to thank him for being so nice and then he will see that im a good cook and want to marry me!! I went to the store made him cookies. Dropped them off at his apt and never heard from him again.

DATING sucks!!!!

I remember feeling lonely. I remember feeling vulnerable. I remember feeling unwanted and unworthy. I remember the feeling of heart ache and rejection. It hurts!
And you can't share those feelings with anyone especially someone who's married because they won't understand. They'll give you some speech about just being yourself and focusing on you! But don't forget to loose weight dress up and be as social as you can. You never want to look lousy because you never know when your going to meet your future husband. No one like a bitter girl so put a smile on your face and be positive!

Guess what?

 if it was necessary to be good at dating I would be single foreveeeeeeeer.

My advice is not to follow advice. Someday it will just happen for you!!! And I will be so excited to come to your wedding and eat cake!