depression

One time I jumped out of bed to feed Austin in the middle of the night. I was only half awake and took a wrong turn in the pitch dark and walked right into the wall. Not only did it feel like I broke my face. It was the surprise of my life. It came out of nowhere! Who does that? I was only walking but it felt like I had ran full force into the wall. I have a face print in my wall to prove it.

That's how depression feels to me. life is going great. And all of a sudden out of nowhere I hit a wall. Its painful. Its surprising and worse of all is once your there its hard to do anything about it.

Before you start to give advice think of yourself smacking into a wall.
Or stubbing your toe.
Imagine someone saying well all you need to do is go get active, find a hobby. That's what you get when you don't wear shoes, or my personal favorite just take a deep breath.

There are a lot of tools that do really help depression don't get me wrong
But imagine what does make you feel more supported when you stub your toe. Ouch that hurts! I hate it when that happens! Are you OK? Oh no!

Depression for me is a period of time where I feel like crap! Its like PMS times 100.

Feelings of

Loneliness

Helplessness

Extreme sadness

Sometimes I just start sobbing as if I hears terrible news but absolutely nothing has happened. But it feels like something terrible has happened. Then you feel

Guilty

Stupid

Irritated

Sometimes I try to tell myself
Just get over it. Its all in your head.
Why are you doing this?

It doesn't really work like that.
Its awful.

I wish I had answers.

BUT I am grateful once again for my active support system who gets me through. Love you guys!